Presidential Erections

Tonight, 3.5 million citizens from the North Pole, also known as Finn-land, glued their blue eyes to the TV to witness how poll results realised themselves as The Official Result. For 3 hours, they watched a Red Haired Lesbian Conan-lookalike and An Ugly Cold Businessman battle for ultimate Symbolic leadership of the North Pole. Big Egos, Empty Words and Pointless Campaigns to Lure Polar Bears to tap dance in Igloos for TV ads. If you don't believe it, just ask a Finn about Myths concerning the Ultra-Right-Wing Working Class.

For 3 hours, the result was Clear, and for 3 hours they all assured that it was too early to draw conclusions. The winners said the erection was a Symbol of Universal Adoration towards Democracy. The losers said they actually won: Apparently people just don't know how to look at things the Right way round. Others say Left is Right. Right?

The only charisma Finns can produce is Ski Hop: men push feet against sliding sticks, before falling helplessly to the ground. Winners have the happy facial expressions resemblant of participants in the national Lemon Sucking competition. The joy, the passion!